Boy Erased

Boy Erased is a memoir by Garrard Conley. Published in 2016 by Riverhead Books, it tells Conley’s story of confronting and accepting his sexuality and the conversion program his religious parents imposed upon him. The book has been well received and is due to release as a film in September 2018. Conley currently teaches English literature and is an active campaigner for LGBTQIA equality in Bulgaria. He’s also been published in major publications such as The Virginia Quarterly Review and The Common. Boy Erased is his debut novel.

Conley, along with Edge Media Network, who are producing the film, hope Boy Erased will help end conversion and identity-changing programs. Conley hopes that his account will raise awareness of how common this practice still is, and how urgently any kind of sexual conversion therapy must end.

Conley grows up as the son of a Baptist pastor in small-town, rural Arkansas. His family are Christian fundamentalists with a rigid and narrow moral code. Growing up, Conley is expected to conform to their desires and adhere to their strict religious upbringing. There is no tolerance for rebellion or differences of any kind. However, as Conley grows into a teenager, he realises he won’t be able to ignore the truth about his sexuality forever.



Conley describes the impossibility of growing up gay in the Missionary Baptist church and having any kind of relationship with his family. He recalls that, at the time, his denomination is vehemently against homosexuality and, if anyone feels differently, they’re too scared to say so. This makes Conley question his relationship with God and religion more generally, although he does still believe in some form of god to this day.

Now, Conley has a decent relationship with his mother, who is still the pastor’s wife in Arkansas. She feels guilty for the ways she mistreated and shunned him before, but he forgives her now. Conley’s father worries that his son’s sexuality is a reflection on him, and that the congregation will vote him out if they read the book. Although the pastor will most likely never accept Conley’s sexuality, he’s less concerned about his own feelings than how it will look to the congregation.

Although Conley speaks to his parents now, there was a time when this wasn’t possible. They first discover his sexuality when he’s 19 and a freshman in college. Others “out” Conley to them, and he has mixed feelings about this. He knows it had to come out eventually, but he wanted to be in control—especially because this is the worst time for his family to hear the news.



At the time, Conley’s father waits for ordainment as a Baptist minister. It’s due to happen any day now. The family can’t have any scandals. When he learns about Conley’s sexuality, he gives him a choice—leave his family and never speak to them again or enroll in a gay conversion course. This obviously isn’t much of a choice, but Conley doesn’t expect anything better from them. Conley also worries over what his high school girlfriend felt—they are no longer on talking terms.

His family chooses a local program called “Love in Action,” or LIA. This is an ex-gay program which promises to cure anyone of homosexuality. He agrees to attend for two weeks to pacify his family. He doesn’t want to be alone, but he also doesn’t want to change an integral part of who he is.

While attending LIA, Conley’s repeatedly told that there’s something sinful and wrong with him inside, and that he must rail against it. He’s told it will please God if he changes himself, but this only makes Conley question what kind of deity he’s worshipping. Others in the program suffer from conditions such as alcoholism, and they don’t receive proper support or treatment. They’re simply made to feel like irredeemable criminals.



Conley must leave LIA because he’s close to breaking down. He gets suicidal thoughts while in the program and he doesn’t care what his family thinks about him leaving. Instead, he attends a college in the South where the teachings are more liberal and progressive. This is also difficult, because it goes against everything that he’s taught while growing up. Ultimately, Conley learns he can decide for himself who he wants to be, and to accept who he’s born to be.

Although there are religious undertones, Conley makes this accessible to all audiences. He hopes readers will remember that progress is never straightforward, and there’s always the chance we’ll take a few steps back. By writing this memoir, Conley raises awareness of the need for gay rights and LGBTQIA equality, and what it’s like growing up with questions about your own worth. Raw, honest and candid, Conley doesn’t want sympathy for what happened to him—he’s simply trying to make sure we don’t take a step back.