We Are Not Ourselves

We Are Not Ourselves is Matthew Thomas’s 2014 debut novel. The story explores the life of a spirited young woman, from her difficult childhood to her husband’s slow mental decline from early-onset Alzheimer’s, and her patience and perseverance through every challenge that life throws in her path. The title is based on a speech from King Lear: “We are not ourselves / when nature, being oppressed, commands the mind / to suffer with the body.” That quotation foreshadows Lear’s own deteriorating mental state.

As the narrative begins, its heroine, Eileen Tumulty Leary, is just ten years old. Her father, Big Mike, drives a beer truck and is an alcoholic. Every day after work, he picks her up from school and drives her, not to their home, but to the bar. Eileen tries to find a place on the counter to do her homework while her father drinks and regales the other patrons with his stories and jokes, reveling in the crowd’s admiration.

At home, he is not the jokester and raconteur of the bar but an angry, violent father and husband. Without a crowd to egg him on, he feels small and ineffectual, taking out those feelings of inadequacy on his family. Eileen’s mother, Bridget, tries to pretend that all is well, but is prone to sulking when confronted with the truth of her husband’s problems.



Eileen is their only child; Bridget has always longed for more, so she is overjoyed when she finds herself pregnant again. However, the pregnancy ends in a miscarriage, sending Bridget into a deep depression. She, too, turns to drink to block out her problems.

As Eileen gets older, she dreams of escaping her home life for good. The best route to independence is through education; so she works to finish college in three years and goes on to complete a master’s degree in nursing. Nursing comes naturally to her because she has spent so much of her youth taking care of her parents when they were too drunk to take care of themselves.

A friend introduces Eileen to scientist Ed Leary. They are immediately attracted to each other; before long, they agree to get married. Eileen, intent on getting away from the dysfunction of her parents’ household, ignores warning signals in their relationship, including an incident over the gold watch she gives him as a wedding gift. Ed is angry about the watch, complaining that it is a waste of money. Eileen is hurt, but brushes off his anger, believing he will change.



In time, Eileen and Ed have a son named Connell. Eileen loves him but has difficulty expressing her affection. Instead, she is cold, hounding him about his grades and his future. She shows affection only through her high expectations. Ed is more demonstrative, happy to hug the boy and play with him. Eileen observes them from a distance, envious of how easy it is for Ed to express his love for their son.

She also becomes frustrated when Ed’s career stagnates. He is a brilliant researcher, but he is happy where he is, turning down opportunities for advancement. He enjoys teaching, and money isn’t a concern for him. But for Eileen, who grew up poor, money does matter. She has always dreamed of a big house and enough money to live in comfort.

Soon, these petty conflicts are pushed aside. Both their ambitions change forever when Ed begins to demonstrate disturbing mental symptoms. At first, Eileen attributes his issues to too much stress or perhaps a mood disorder. But when they consult a doctor, Ed is diagnosed with early-onset Alzheimer’s.



Eileen’s dedication to her husband and training as a nurse come through. She remains loyal and loving to Ed, even as he begins to lose his memory and sense of self.  Eileen’s childhood has made her suppress much of her own emotions and inner life, but this terrible trial brings out the best of her. Still, she grieves her husband’s mind and all that they have never had the chance to do together.

Connell comes of age as his father’s state deteriorates; he struggles with the knowledge that adulthood will not bring him closer to his father, but father away as Ed forgets his son and the many memories that have bonded them.

Eileen struggles to keep Ed at home and out of a nursing home, but eventually, his needs become too much. He has become violent. Connell wants to stay and help his father, but unable to become a full-time caretaker, he departs to attend college. Ed is committed to a nursing home; Connell feels guilty, as if he has abandoned his father.



Eileen goes to visit Ed in the nursing home, but he is combative and upset, telling her “No” over and over when she promises to come over every day. Connell visits him after Thanksgiving, bringing one of Ed’s previously beloved Mozart CDs to listen to. Ed smiles briefly on hearing the music, showing a semblance of his former self, but soon turns angry; Connell has to leave.

Ed dies before Christmas that year, and Eileen and Connell are left to figure out how they will move on, missing a man who was gone long before the date of his death.

We Are Not Ourselves drew praise from critics for its portrait of Alzheimer’s disease and its effects on patients and caregivers alike. The New York Times critic Maggie Scarf wrote that despite its subject, the book manages to be a “long, gorgeous epic, full of love and life and caring.” The novel was named one of the best books of the year by both The New York Times and The Washington Post, and it was shortlisted for the James Tait Black Prize, the Center for Fiction First Novel Prize, and the John Gardner Fiction Book Award.